Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice {And What I Will Teach Our Girls}

As I was marching around in the bushy area of our backyard this weekend, full of thistles and smelling like campfire, I got to thinking about womanhood.  I got to thinking about the things I like about being female.  The things my mom taught me.  The things I want to teach our daughters.  The experiences I’d like them to have, the challenges I’d like them to overcome, the mistakes I’ve made that hope they don’t.  The things I want them to learn.

I am probably failing miserably at teaching some of these things…but they are goals.  They are something to strive for.  This is little more than a digital-mental list of things I think are important for our growing beauties.

• Teach her compassion and empathy {by example}
• Teach her about nature {and how to take care of it}
• Teach her that it’s cool to be smart  {Even if she doesn’t believe you}
• Tell her she’s beautiful {while she’s in her jammies}
• Teach her about life…and death  {Her goldfish didn’t run away}
• Teach her to be strong in her morals and beliefs {no matter what “they” say}
• Teach her to build a fire, change a flat and make a speech
• Show her how to dress up {Think class, not cleavage}
• Teach her to pray and love and put others first
• Teach her that she is complete {without her friends or boyfriend or peers}
• Show her the world {even if it’s via YouTube}
• Teach the importance of family {blood-related or not}
• Let her exercise her independence {regardless of how it pains you}
• Teach her to be a friend {especially to the one who needs a friend most}
• Encourage her questions {and strive to answer them all}
• Teach her about bugs and plants and animals {Even if you don’t like them}
• Show her what hard work looks like {and how to get and keep a job}
• Teach her about the awkward & uncomfortable {before someone else does}
• Value her opinions {And teach her to value those of others}
• Teach her to manage her money {and not let it manager her}
• Let her experience the joy of true giving
• Teach her tolerance and forgiveness
• Teach her to have adventures {everywhere she goes}
• Let her cry when she needs to {and let her see you cry too}
• Teach her to eat healthfully {but not obsessively}
• Let her be a princess {and a pirate and a giraffe}
• Make her feel loved {over and over and over}
• Show her how it feels to earn something {and that the world owes her nothing}
• Teach her to ride a bike and build a resume and paint her toenails
• Show her what initiative looks like
• Encourage her to think outside the box
• Help her find a love for books {or blogs or anything word-related}
• Let her get dirty and muddy and crazy and fun
• Teach her about her heritage {and to be proud of her roots}
• Teach her that there’s so much more to life than high school {even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time}
• Teach her manners and respect {for herself, her body and everyone around her}

There is more.  So much more.  But I’ll leave it with you….what would you add?  What do you think is important for a girl to know?

Making our children STAAR students

Ok, just have to vent today about the STAAR tests being taken this week by students in Texas.

No, no, it’s not just “any other” test. The STAAR test is a phenomenon down in these parts.  And from what I can tell, not even Texans like it!!

It stands for the State of Texas Assessment of Academic Readiness.  And it would be similar (though much harder, in my opinion) to the PAT (Provincial Achievement Tests) given to students in Alberta and elsewhere in Canada. A key difference here though, is that it is a pass or fail test, which means…if your child doesn’t pass the STAAR, they do not pass the grade.

The pressure being heaped upon our kids to perform is like something I’ve never seen before.

The school is a closed campus this week  – no visitors, no birthday treats, no outdoor recess for any grade. Testing is in progress. The children are also being asked to wear brain stimulating colors  – purple for Reading, blue for Math and green for Science. I’m serious.

We, as parents, as being persuaded to get up extra early (at my house anyway) and make a protein-packed breakfast…bacon and eggs anyone??  Yesterday, they told us to pack a “note of encouragement” in our kids’ lunch boxes! And this one prompted me to write this blog – I got a teacher text (which I normally enjoy) that said “May the Scores Be With You!” Ha, ha…Star Wars, I get it.

But that’s what it’s all about – the scores. I really like my children’s school and teachers, I have a lot of respect for them. But when it comes to STAAR testing, I get annoyed. Isn’t this test supposed to be a reflection of what they’ve learned throughout the year. If the teacher is doing her job, and my child is doing classwork, homework and studying all year long…won’t she do just fine?

I guess not! I did some research which found that educators have determined the STAAR tests are written in a language beyond the child’s grade level. So, even though they may understand the subject matter, they may not understand the question because of the language used. How sad.

I’m not fully up to speed on how the STAAR results and school funding are connected, but clearly there is a link. Each school is striving for the best test scores and the teachers too, as I’ve heard there are hirings and firings based on STAAR class results.

My daughter came home the other day and told me that she thinks she has Test Anxiety. Really, I ask, surprised of where she heard that term??  Then, she hands me a sheet the teacher gave out listing all the symptoms and ways to avoid test anxiety.  She did not sleep well last night –  she was up at least twice, upset that she could not fall asleep,  despite the fact her teacher told her she MUST get a good night’s rest.

Wow…I just don’t get it. I sent her out the door this morning  with a kiss, a hug, and said good luck because to me…the STAAR is just any other test.

Woodlands friends, I would love for you to share your knowledge and experience with STAAR testing. 

What Every Mother Needs to Know and Hear~I Struggle Too.

I didn’t live in the land of Facebook or e-mail when my kids were little. We didn’t even have a computer or internet for many of those early years. Motherhood was a solitary journey and I lived for the days a friend would call me up to ask how I was doing.

I also thrived on Mom’s Morning out at church or when one of us had an energetic boost and could invite the others over for playtime and coffee. These were the sanity breaks that my mind and soul craved. Not because I was so lonely(maybe I was a little) but more so for the comradeship of knowing that I was not alone in my struggles.   I loved walking into my friend’s house and seeing the crumbs on her floor , the laundry piled high, bedroom doors closed so the mess behind them wasn’t initially visible.  I wanted to see that her fridge was a mess and her beds weren’t made. I needed to know that I wasn’t the only one.  It gave me a chance to catch my breath and say, “Hey, it’s okay~you’re not the only one.”

For many years having people over was a painful process. I felt like everything needed to be in it’s place and perfectly clean. I would wash mirrors, toilets, windows, floors, clean out the fridge, rearrange the furniture, hide away mounds of laundry under blankets and in closets and pretend to look pulled together. It was exhausting. And rarely did that happen without some yelling and crying. Mostly from me. The pressure to have it all together is immense. Especially from the generation before us.  Let’s face it, our mothers and fathers came from a time when “cleanliness is next to Godliness”( which incidentally is NOT in the Bible).  Any sign that you are a messy person was the equivalent of being spiritually undisciplined and unacceptable.  I succumbed to this pressure for many years and tortured my family in the process.

That was then.

I have learned after 21 years of marriage that the people with the perfectly clean houses fall into a couple of categories:

– either both parents work all week and the kids are at school/daycare all week so no one is there to LIVE IN the house.

-At least one parent is completely anal about cleanliness and is a perfectionist beyond my realm of knowledge

or – they don’t have half the junk we do and they live in a house where everything has a home so it’s very easy to keep clean.

 

I am none of these. We have moved a lot, we have rented in places where closets and cupboards were minimal at best.  I am not a disciplined housekeeper and perhaps that’s due to my overall physical strength and well-being most of the time.  And we tend to have the cheaper variety of department store furniture, shelving, storage which is barely sufficient to corral and organize everyone’s stuff.

It doesn’t really matter why, it just matters that it is.  I’m not the crazy, clean housewife. I would rather sit down with my husband after supper than do dishes.  I would rather sleep in on Saturday occasionally than jump on the laundry.  I would rather go visit a friend than wash floors.  There’s always something else I’d rather be doing.

But it is still a struggle and I do wish that I was THAT woman over there who always has the perfectly clean house,  with the perfectly organized kitchen and the perfectly perfect kids.   Scratch that.  I don’t want that.  I don’t want to be squeaky clean. I want to be real.

We’re not all cut out to be perfectly perfect housewives with high heels on , a pressed apron on our hips and dinner on the table at 5:35 pm exactly.  Some of us are the ones with no apron on, flour on our hips, splatters on our shirt, and cookies in the oven at 5:45 pm just starting to think about what we can scrounge together for supper.

Yesterday I tackled a mountain of laundry. Laundry is the bane of my existence. It always has been. When the kids were little my mom would come to visit and do laundry for 4 days straight. She rocks the laundry room. I just can’t. I get overwhelmed on load 3.  Yes my kids do their own laundry but there’s always seasonal, household and SOCKS that fall through the cracks and accumulate. Yesterday’s pile had a ridiculous amount of mismatched socks of every size and colour. There was also mitts and scarves in abundance from our all-too-long winter. And then blankets and sheets from sleepovers and towels from 3 bathrooms and 6 people. We just suck at getting it done all the time.  And so, here I was , faced with a room where the floor had not been seen in several months. It was brutal.   But I did it. I started in the morning, sorted, folded, moved out, sorted, washed, dried, folded, sorted….it’s a lot of work when kids are growing out of stuff faster than you can wash a load.

I’m terrible at laundry. And if I lied to you and told you that my kids are all well trained and have this craft down to a science you might think I’m a great teacher. But I’m not.  Half of them are really good and half of them are like me. 🙂  It’s okay, you know.  It’s okay that we’re not perfect.  Because I suspect that someone reading this right now struggles with laundry too. Or maybe dishes. Or maybe your floors get washed once a season or once a year. Or maybe you only vacuum when company comes.  It’s totally okay. I’m kind of over the shame and guilt that some throw on us because we’re not all Susie-Homemaker baking bread, cleaning out dust bunnies and polishing floors on a daily basis.  Shame and guilt have no place in conversations with other moms.  I only have solidarity and support.  If I can tackle 15 loads of laundry in one day, anyone can.  But if you can only do one load, sister, I am SO there with you.

The more we admit that we struggle, the more comfortable we make it for someone else to admit they’re not perfect either.  The lady who gets all her laundry done every day might be terrible at baking. Her poor , poor children never get a home made cookie~ Ever.  See?  No one is perfect at it all.

 

This is after I cleaned out the 10 loads that needed to be folded~not even kidding.

A portion of the pile before me to fold. *sigh*

 

 

Progress!

 

Oh and one more tip: if your mother, or mother-in-law or friend, or aunt, or nosy neighbour, or stranger on the sidewalk offers to come and do your laundry for you…..TAKE THE DEAL!!! 🙂

We Don’t Live in Walnut Grove Anymore {The Social Media Generation}

If I talk to you about social media, what do you instantly think of? Facebook? Twitter?

I’m guessing most of you think of Facebook exclusively when it comes to your kids. But you would be wrong. In fact, a lot of kids are leaving Facebook and checking out SnapChat and in rapidly increasing numbers, Instagram.  And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

I would like you to read this article from Hollee Actman Becker. She has absolutely nailed it when it comes to Instagram and our kids- especially tweens and teens.  Do You Think You’re Smarter than Your Fifth Grader? 

 

Did you read it?? Go. Now. Read it. The rest of this isn’t going to make sense unless you read it and I’m not dictating it for you. Go. 

 

Okay, so, now that you’re panic-stricken and mortified, let’s talk about this.

 

Unless you plan on moving to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Tennessee or the back woods of the Boreal Forest in Northern Saskatchewan, social media is not going away and it’s now a part of your life, like it or not.  Sure, you can ban your kids from ever touching a computer or cell phone. You can take away their iTouch and their iPads.  You can turn off the wi-fi in your house at 8 pm  and you can hold their hand through life.  OR you could talk to them and teach them about the proper use of social media.

Last week I got an iPhone after much prodding and peer pressure from my 18 year old son. Oh , he’s quite the salesman I tell ya. What got me convinced is the inter-connectivity between my two oldest who have iPhones, my husband and his iPad(he has since upgraded to an iPhone too) and my two younger daughters who each have an iTouch. If you’re not familiar, an iTouch is a glorified iPod which you might think is just for listening to music and watching videos but it actually has all the capabilities of an iPhone without being a phone. So anywhere there is a wifi connection, the holder of an iTouch is able to be on the internet, add apps like any iPhone user would and it also has a camera/video camera.  Very cool but for kids, definitely needs monitoring.   Now, I know my girls have been using Instagram for the past few months. Many of my friends also share  their instagram photos on Facebook and Twitter and I have to admit, I was a little sad when I learned that you have to have an Apple product to use that particular app. I have looked at my girls’ photos and I realized a couple of months ago that there is a lot more going on on Instagram than what I had previously thought. I too, thought it was simply a photo sharing application but with the ability to follow and comment, I realized it really is just another social media outlet.

Our rules on Facebook are as follows:

• If you’re going to be on Facebook, you must have your parents as friends or you can’t have an account. (They have all figured out that they can customize statuses and posts to exclude us because we were “so annoying” commenting on things.)
• At any time I can look at their friend list and suggest/demand deletion. We have had to do this a few times particularly with some “friends” who they don’t know well or who have potty-mouths and regularly post offensive comments, statuses or links.
• At any time I can go into their inbox to see who they’re chatting with and what they’re chatting about.  I did this a lot in the early days and the threat of it now has kept everyone behaving(I think).  I do believe our teens need a certain level of anonymity and privacy. I had diaries and there were some things I wanted to vent about that I would never want my mom to hear or read. Growing up is a working through of emotions and thoughts and it’s okay for our kids to have someplace to do that. But I caution my girls that everything they type can be cut, pasted, shared, taken out of context for all the world to see so tread carefully.
• Absolutely no bashing friends, acquaintances, family or teachers on Facebook or any other social media. I will not put up with cyber-bullying  or openly slandering another person.
• Facebook is a privilege, not a right. At any moment it can be gone. And we have suspended accounts for several months at a time. Parents, be parents. Consequences for inappropriate behaviour must be followed through.
• Anyone who you “friend” on Facebook must be someone you know personally, have an in-person relationship with and who is someone that you would not hesitate to have over in our home for dinner or sitting in our living room with the whole family.  If any one of these criteria does not line up then you cannot be friends on Facebook.  Facebook is an extension of our home and your life. It is a virtual living room. Therefore, we regularly check friend lists and purge as necessary. If someone is a FB stalker(they’re on but you never hear from them) then they’re gone.  If someone takes things you post and shares them with others not on your friend list or not on FB, they’re gone.  If someone makes any one of your friends feel uncomfortable or is chatting privately with you about what someone else said or posted, they’re gone.

This is not an exclusive rule list and it’s always changing. Social media has changed a ton in the six years that I have been on. An open dialogue is essential with your kids. Use it as a teaching tool. Someday your kids will be on their own and they need to have a good foundation for what is acceptable on the internet and what is not.  If you don’t teach them, they’ll learn on their own or from someone else. This is why, for the life of me, I cannot understand some parents who are NOT on Facebook but allow their children to be. You cannot monitor that which you do not see. And you cannot see that which you do not understand or where you are not present. Be present in your child’s life~everywhere.

 

So, back to Instagram. We had an episode a month ago. Potentially a scary episode. My youngest(who will be 13 next week) was having problems and I knew that but she wasn’t sharing much. I will not give all the details but I received a phone call from her friend’s mom on a Saturday morning. She was worried about my daughter because she read an inbox message from her, to her daughter. The word suicide came up. I was alarmed but I was more curious. I took my daughter out on a shopping trip and lunch. We talked about school and friends and all kinds of things. She didn’t give me any indication of a problem and her marks have been good. I had to tell her about the call and she immediately burst into tears. Instagram. Instagram had made her feel awkward and uncomfortable and vulnerable. Even though she didn’t say those words, that’s what it was.  A boy at youth group had liked a photo of her on instagram and her friends had blown it up into a big deal. Why? Because when you “like” something on Instagram it pops up as a heart. So here was her picture with a heart and this boy’s name.  It’s one of those moments in grade 7 when you are SO EMBARRASSED you just want to die.  You know what I mean , moms? You want to die. And that’s what this innocent little  inbox message had said.

When I was in grade 7 and I liked a boy, I didn’t tell anyone. It was my secret with myself. I told my daughter that as much as she loves her friends and they love her, teasing will always happen to the extent where you want to crawl into a hole and never come out. That’s why diaries are great. And that’s why, when I was in grade 7, I could run home, close the bedroom door, cry into my pillow and stress for a day and a night and by the next morning the girls were teasing someone else at school and the boys were just being boys.

Here’s the thing parents, we don’t live in Walnut Grove anymore(did you have to Google that to figure out what I meant?).  Nelly is still on the playground, but she’s carrying an iPhone and she’s using everything your little Laura says and does against her. She’s video taping and photographing and texting.  Albert and Willie have phones now too.  And they don’t mean any harm but they get caught up in the moment.  So what are you going to tell your Laura, your Mary, your Carrie?  What do you do? Do you pack them up in the wagon? Do you tell Pa to get his shotgun and show those kids who’s boss?

Nellie Olson still exists ~she just has an iPhone now.

No.  We live in 2013 and computers and cell phones and social media are a part of our lives. We have to teach our kids to protect themselves. We have to show them how to be friends but how to still keep their private life private. We need to be their safe place and their fountain of knowledge. But we can’t do that if we don’t know what they’re talking about. We can’t help them if we don’t even understand what “tbh” and “lms” mean. It’s time to get with the program.  Be a parent and be there for our kids.

Needless to say, we ‘ve adjusted privacy settings on Instagram for the girls. And now that I’m on, I can see what’s being posted and what’s being said. 95% of it is innocent. But the conversation is an open and evolving one. I’m not going to be the mom who says, “I didn’t know” .

 

 

Travelling with Tots {Part 1: The Road Trip}

Being that Easter weekend is coming faster than I can grasp, I’m hoping to get this post out in enough time to be helpful to those of you headed off to see family and friends.

Have you had the opportunity to travel with your children?  Or does the thought quite honestly terrify you?

Because the majority of our family is 4+ hours away, we travel quite a lot.  And because my husband works a ridiculous amount, I do most of the driving by myself.  And you know what?  It actually goes pretty well!  There was a time when we had 3 little ones under the age of 4 so if I can do it, you can too!

Read on, my friends, and I will try to make your family adventures as painless as possible…

Tip #1:  Start Them Early {And Do It Often}

Starting them early was probably the biggest favour I could have done myself.  Now, I’m not saying you should take your wee ones on a full-out Canadian tour.  You know that family reunion you’ve been considering?  Go.  That friend who moved away and you’ve been nervous to make that 3 hour drive to see?  Do it.  Hit the pavement as often as time and budget allows.

Tip #2:  Feed Them.  {A Lot}

A hungry child is a grumpy child.  Let’s not let that happen.  Make up snack baggies (cheerios, dried fruit, m&m’s, etc.).  Bring water or juice in spill-proof cups {and a large bottle of water for refills on those long trips}.  Stash granola bars in your glove box.  Not only does it keep their bellies happy, it keeps them occupied and fends off the inevitable are-we-there-yets a wee bit longer.  If you have an infant, plan to stop and nurse or plot out before-hand where you could warm a bottle if you need to.

We often plan our trips so that we can stop for lunch or supper in the middle.  We usually do fast food but you could also brown-bag it and stop at a park (weather permitting, of course) to let your little ones burn off some steam at the same time.

Tip #3:  Keep Them Occupied.

I always have a pile of baby toys that I can pass back to our youngest if she starts to get fidgety.  For the big girls, a portable DVD player is a life-saver.  Seriously.  You can get them for a pretty decent price these days and it will save your sanity.  {A digital movie downloaded onto your iPhone works great too, if you trust that your child won’t mangle it!}

For older children, Michael’s sells lap desks with side pockets to store their goodies.  You could easily throw in crayons, a colouring book, reading books, etc.  And they work great for eating on too!

We always let them bring their favourite blanky/stuffed animal in their seat as well.  That way there’s no freak-out when their eyes are starting to droop and they need their blanky to fall asleep!

For longer road trips, buy small toys and treats from the dollar store and wrap them in tissue paper.  When everyone starts to get fed up with the drive, bust out a present!  It doesn’t cost much and will keep them distracted long enough to get a few more miles under your belt.

Tip #4:  Prepare To Stop When Necessary.

There have been times when I’ve been so focussed on getting to our final destination that by the time we got there my children were about ready to disown me.  I don’t recommend this.  Mentally prepare yourself before-hand to stop when you need to.  When things start to get hairy, sometimes all it takes is a 5 minute stop for everyone to stretch their legs and regroup and you can actually enjoy the rest of the drive.

And likely, your children will have to pee at some point.  For some reason our girls have bladders of steel and we are often able to make a 4-hour trip without stops (and they still love me when we get there).  This will not work for everyone!

Tip #5:  Keep The Necessities Handy.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done side-of-the-road diaper changes {and by side-of-the-road I mean pulling onto a side road or rest stop ~ be safe!}.  We’ve used the tailgate, console, seat and even our laps when we had to.  Sometimes you just can’t wait for a change table.  If you  have little ones in diapers, make sure you have a change pad, lots of wipes, diapers and at least a couple of clean outfits.  “Blow-outs” will happen when you least expect them!  It’s also a good idea to have a change of clothes for your older children handy, just in case.  Kleenex is a necessity too ~ call us redneck but we’ve had side-of-the-road emergencies where are older ones couldn’t wait for a bathroom!

Tip #6:  Keep Them Comfortable.

I always dress our girls in comfy clothes when we’ll be on the road.  Jammies or yoga/sweat pants and t-shirts work great.  That little jean dress might look super cute for your baby but with being strapped into the car set for however many hours, it’s not a good idea.  She’ll look just as cute in a sleeper {and it’ll be easier to change her too!}.  😉  In the winter we dress them in lighter coats and keep their winter gear in the back.  They take their shoes off basically as soon as they get in the vehicle.  How can they complain…jammies, snacks and a movie?!  They’re golden!

Tip #7:  Enjoy The Journey.

If there’s one tip I’m guilty of forgetting, it’s this one.  As they say, it’s not about the final destination but enjoying the journey (or something like that).  So do it!  Soak in the scenery.  Stop and smell the roses.  Don’t let the beauty of your surroundings pass you by.  You will be glad you did.  And your kids will be too.

Our oldest at about 2 months, getting ready to go on an adventure!

Well, as we are about to hit the road ourselves, I had better sign off (okay, today it’s only a 20 minute drive but whatever).  Stay tuned for Part 2!  Happy Easter and save travels to you all!

Do you have any road trip travel tips?  Please share!

A Growing Intolerance for Children

Is it me, or are people in general becoming more intolerant of small children?  And not just small children, but moms with small children.

Perhaps it’s the *hide-behind-your-keyboard* syndrome of saying anything you want but I’m seeing a lot of posts on Facebook and Twitter especially from people who clearly think children should NOT be seen and definitely NOT heard.

Now, I’m old school and I like it when parents have control of their kids.  I’m the mom who has walked out of a grocery store with a full cart ready for the cashier when all hell broke loose and the animals left their cages.  I have told my kids I won’t put up with temper tantrums and ridiculous outbursts in stores or restaurants. In fact, there was a season in our lives where we rarely went out to eat because I fully believe the other patrons have a right to eat their meals in relative peace.

However, recently there have been a rash of reports and stories of restaurants implementing adult-only dinner hours or even some that are exclusively adult only restaurants.  I’m not saying I wouldn’t go there but this is a trend that may not be all that family friendly. (which is probably the point)  Of course, businesses have a right to cater to whomever they wish. And I’m all for the market deciding who wins and who loses.

But what about walking in malls? Or grocery shopping on Saturdays when it’s busy?  Or perhaps even home shows and exhibit halls?  Should there be a ban on any child under 7? Should strollers be banned? This is some of the complaining that I am seeing and hearing about.  People who don’t have children are becoming more vocal about their dislike of little people *ruining* their days off. They don’t want to go to parks and hear a wailing toddler. They don’t want to go to Starbucks and stand in line behind a mom with a baby on her hip. They don’t want to enter the bookstore if there’s a mom with a stroller heading in right in front of them.  And I find it all a little baffling.

Since when did children become enemies?  Perhaps these anti-child Debby-Downers have forgotten that they too, were once children.  Perhaps they have failed to see that children are our future. Maybe they don’t realize that if Mama doesn’t get to go to  the bookstore today, she might be housebound and depressed all week. And maybe they’re completely oblivious to the fact that small children don’t grow up to be well-behaved older children and teens unless they are given the opportunities and the freedom to be in all the big-people restaurants, stores and events.  A child doesn’t just wake up at the age of 12 and know how to act in public. They are taught. They are allowed to fail and they are given grace to learn from their mistakes and outbursts.

The tone of the conversation I was a part of yesterday on Twitter took direct aim at parents with double wide strollers out in public. Specifically, a crowded exhibit hall on the weekend apparently was the site of such strollers with too many people and some put-out show goers.  Some of the comments were directly bashing a parent’s choice to go out with their two little children to a place where “the kids couldn’t possibly be having fun.” And the “selfishness” of parents to not consider a crowded aisle and how inconvenient it was for the browsers.  First of all, if you haven’t had 2 little kids under 3 and haven’t been out with them for more than an hour, you probably aren’t the best judge of what is convenient.  As for the concept that 2 parents want to spend time out together at a SPRING HOME SHOW on a weekend after one of the longest, snowiest, coldest winters ever and take their kids with them as being wrong is frustrating and frankly, offensive. I remember a time when I had my first 2 (13 months apart) and they LOVED going out just to look at people and get a change of scenery. We didn’t have family where we lived and we couldn’t afford a sitter. And truthfully, we wanted to spend time with our kids out and about together. With Daddy working all week and me housebound, these were rare, fun occasions. We didn’t do it all the time. We didn’t assume we could go anywhere with our kids. We usually chose the roomy sidewalks of a park, a big mall or large department stores.  If an exhibit hall or showcase or event wants to limit the size of strollers or even ban them, I’m actually fine with that.  But if they haven’t, step aside. Mama is a-comin’.

I’m sure there are small strollers that are relatively cheap. I’m sure there are double income families who can afford 2 or 3 strollers.  We were not that family. Our stroller was a gift. And I used it through 4 children.Our first 2 were 13 months apart, then 2.5 years between #2 and #3 so we used it again. And then my last 2 were 20 months apart.   It was well worn out by the time I retired it.  We didn’t have family who could look after our kids whenever we wanted to go out and even if we did, I would still not dump my kids off every time I left the house.  I loved our double stroller and so did our kids. I could reach them both while still pushing(as opposed to a tandem where you simply can’t reach the front).

I’m all for a quiet dinner out. But I always give the mom and dad with toddlers  in the booth next to us a knowing smile and the encouragement they need to understand they’re not alone and “this too shall pass.”  Babies and toddlers grow up so fast and no, I don’t think they or we are entitled to go everywhere and do everything. I believe there is a time and a place for outings and most of the time, little ones are happier at home. However, to extract one incident and blow it up into a *double strollers should be banned or left for the dog park* philosophy is overkill and unfair to moms who simply want to have a day out with their family.

You know what’s annoying? The fact that I have pics of my kids in our fantastic double stroller and I can’t find a single one today! So here’s one off the ‘net which is identical to the one we had(except ours was circa 1996 with a brighter blue).  

Tell me-does this look like a threat to the peace and well-being of an afternoon stroll? I didn’t think so!

When Firsts Become Lasts

I was the first-time mom who couldn’t WAIT for her baby to grow up. Be ONE already! Come on!! Crawl! Walk! BE FREE!!

Well, now that baby is 4. Yah. 4! I know, I know, lots of you mamas are older than I am, and you’re chuckling to yourself a bit right now. Just bear with me, k? 😉

We just finished our last first birthday. Conner turned ONE yesterday. Umm…how did that happen?

Isaiah the Pirate and Conner the Buccaneer.

I need to put the baby clothes away. I need to put the baby clothes away. What am I doing with a box full of newborn-sized onesies and sleepers? Come on, Kara, get it together. Just go in there and do it. DO IT.

I can’t.

I actually find myself trying to SQUEEEEZE Conner into clothes that clearly don’t fit him anymore in a strange and feeble attempt at keeping him small. I can’t stand it that he’s getting bigger. I sold the bassinet a couple of weeks ago and I had a meltdown.

I’m supposed to be popping out babies until I’m at LEAST 29…AND I’m supposed to have at least one girl in the mix!  Quite honestly, I’m waiting for the day that I’m miraculously healed of MS and I can have a couple more children. Until then, it’s in my best interest to not have any more.

I’m trying to say goodbye to having more babies. All those firsts….I miss them! It’s getting close to the time where my ‘little’ baby isn’t going to be little. He isn’t going to want to be rocked to sleep anymore. And it kinda hurts. On the other hand, I’m a little bit excited to be able to play with Lego as a family and not worry about the baby choking on a piece.

I’m learning. I’m learning to deal. I’m learning to enjoy every single moment in my kids’ lives, and I’m trying not to take anything for granted. I’m also human, and I’m trying not to think about the fact that I will not be having any more children. I physically am able to carry children. For real, people. I could get pregnant right now, and trust me, it’s crossed my mind to just ask my doctor to remove all the female-ness of me that allows me to have children and be done with it. I mean…right? Because then I actually could NOT have another child. If you’re laughing, that’s okay. I’m a bit awkward. It’s cool.

When did you decide to be ‘done’ having children? OR…was it something that had to be decided for you?

I delved a little deeper into this on my personal blog, feel free to check it out. (Confession: I had to use dictionary.com to make sure I used the word ‘delved’ correctly.)

Commitment IS a scary word

One thing I noticed about Texans when I first moved here — they take their sports seriously…even, and perhaps especially, kids’ sports.

 

After returning from a recent vacation back home to Canada, I was surprised when my daughter came out of practice…almost in tears…because the coach told her she needed to stop going on so many vacations. Excuse me?

 

Yup, at 10, it seems she is at the crossroads of being a fun, competitive kid or a serious, committed athlete.

 

To be her best, the coach wants her to devote more time to practicing, sometimes even twice a day. Wow…I have to say, I was shocked!! But, I shouldn’t be. I know it takes an insane amount of hard work and dedication to make it to the top, and this particular sporting group does train future Olympians – that’s a fact.

 

I know I am not alone. Regardless of what sport and at what level, there are many of us parents being faced with the same decision – just how much family time do we sacrifice for children’s sports?

 

It’s her passion and she loves it. It helps her gain self-confidence, make new friends and it’s a great lesson in goal-setting and achieving success. We all know the benefits that recreational and competitive sports offer to kids.

 

But…at what expense? Now, we are being asked to curtail our summer vacation so she can attend more practices and competitions. If WE can’t commit, she will be bumped down a level – to the place where she started exactly a year ago and worked so hard to graduate from.

 

I never imagined that I would be faced with such a decision. And, I really never imagined I would feel so torn about what to do.

 

Clearly, it’s about priorities. As a family, we will sit down and decide what to do. I can guarantee there will likely be some grumbling and eye-rolling involved.

 

As usual, we will try to compromise, and come up with solution that works best for our family. I’m just not sure the coach will agree! 😉

There Once Was a Girl Who Had…{What??}

{Disclaimer:  This post discusses birth control.  If this bothers you, please don’t continue reading.  This post is not intended to conjure up a debate on birth control and it’s uses but to raise awareness.  Thank you in advance for keeping the conversation positive.  🙂 For those of you still with me, read on…}

Osteoporosis.

{The old lady disease.}

You read that right. At 32 years old I have weak bones.  And I would like to tell you why.

This is something that has been on my heart to share for quite some time now but for whatever reason I haven’t.  I want to raise awareness.  You see, I believe the reason for my having this disease can be found in a little needle filled with something called Depo-Provera.  Birth control.

I won’t go into too many details but I was in my early 20’s and I took this shot for about a year, maybe a little longer.  I stopped after the nagging of my conscience grew ever stronger and I was so wierded out about not having a period that I just couldn’t do it anymore.  I’m glad I stopped when I did.

During the time I was taking this birth control, I took an awkward step, tripped and fractured a metatarsus bone in my right foot.  Okay, not good but since this was the first fracture since I broke my arm in kindergarten I didn’t worry too much.

Less than a year later I was play-wrestling when the heel of my hand hit the floor and I fractured one of those teeny-tiny bones in my wrist.  (The right one too – have you ever tried wiping with your left hand?!)  Since there was cement under the carpet where the incident took place I again brushed it off as just a fluke.

A time later my husband (boyfriend at the time) hugged me.  And fractured my rib.  That’s right.  Broken by a hug.  {Remember the guiltiest-looking mother shirt?  He needed a guiltiest-looking boyfriend shirt, poor guy.}

Enough was enough.  Off to the doctor I went.  The doctor I was seeing at the time wasn’t the greatest and because of my age (I was 25), he was very hesitant to send me for a bone density scan.  I was persistent and I did get the test.  The result?  I was osteopenic.  This means I had low bone density but not quite low enough to be considered osteoporotic.

{And then I had a baby.}

Under the recommendation of my new, wonderful doctor, I saw a specialist and then another.  By the time I saw the second specialist and had a follow-up bone density test (my baby was about a year), I had full-blown osteoporosis.  We discussed treatment options (the only option for my bone type was known to cause cancer so needless to say, I didn’t go that route) and supplements (calcium and vitamin D) and she sent me off to live my life. 

It was recommended that I only nurse future babies for a maximum of 6 months, if at all.  I didn’t listen – my research turned up that while nursing initially depletes your calcium supply, women who breastfeed actually have stronger bones later in life.  {I’m holding on to this hope.}

Two more babies later and I haven’t had a follow-up bone density test.  My thought is, the fewer tests the better and my body will need ample time to recuperate after growing and nursing 3 babies in 4 1/2 years.

So what does it mean to have osteoporosis at my age?  Not much, really.  There are no physical signs of the disease.  It rarely hurts.  I’m not on medication (aside from vitamins/supplements).  I don’t go for any type of treatment.  I actually forget I have it most of the time.

There have only been a handful of time when I have been reminded of the disease.  Once was when I was nearly missing a flight from London back home to Canada.  I was carrying a stroller, an overloaded diaper bag, my 10 lb purse and my 7 month old and literally running through the airport (logic would tell you to put the baby in the stroller but I was that close to missing my flight that I didn’t have time).  It was over a week before the pain in my bones subsided and I felt normal again.

There are certain things it has been recommended I don’t do ~ skydiving (thankfully I’ve already done that), base jumping, having my husband double-bounce me off a trampoline…you know, that kind of thing. 

So yeah, life is pretty normal.

So what was the point of spilling my guts to you?  So that maybe, just maybe, someone out there considering taking this harmful drug will learn from my experience.  Regardless of your views on birth control, this is important.  {Just please, tell every female you know ~ DO NOT take the Depo-Provera shot.  It could save her bones.} 

I often wonder how many other women walk around oblivious to this disease lurking in their bones.  Obviously drugs affect everyone differently but please remember that this could be you or someone you know.  This IS a known, though not often talked about, side affect of Depo-Provera.

Spread the word, my friends!

We’re Still Here and With a Few Links for You!

We are , in fact, mothers. And that title alone necessitates that sometimes we’re……busy.  So our poor Mothering Well page may seem neglected but we are, actually, mothering well.  Melissa was in Hawaii and spent two hours on a blog post about their adventures only to have Internet Explorer eat it into oblivion. (I think she’s still ticked).

Kara has had bout after bout of flu, ear infections and sleepless nights all on top of her MS symptoms.

Jenna is getting over bronchitis but she just posted a gem of a post on her TroubleFace Mom page which I will link below.

Darlene has been down south and back again.(She’s showing us what we have to look forward to, post-kids at home.)

And Michelle celebrated her birthday in Texas with East Coast flare and is now on spring break with her kids! We’re a busy lot!

As for me.…..I have my irons in many fires. Does anyone say that anymore? Do you even know what it means? Oh well, I digress. Back on track this week. But first, here’s a few links you might want to check out.

First up: The state of public schooling.  I have many woes in the school system and often get annoyed by the sheer stupidity. This article puts it bluntly : “the very people who are supposed to be teaching our kids how to think are largely incapable of critical thought themselves.”     Public School Insanity 

Next: Jenna’s blog on the Bully Bus Driver who almost made a sailor out of her. :p  The Wheels on the Bus or Some Crap Like That

And if your days feel kind of like this……

 

…………..it’s all good. “Close enough” some days is just right. 🙂

Now go enjoy the day and maybe whip up a batch of these! They’re super yummy!!

Unbaked Chocolate Cookies(Haystacks)