I was diagnosed with MS a few days after my oldest son turned 1. It was completely devastating. I was 23 and I thought my life was over. Over the next 3 years, I was told that I shouldn’t have more children, and that I needed to begin a treatment plan – which included giving myself a needle every day. Okay, let’s rabbit trail for just a minute here. A NEEDLE? Every day?! I was the kid in elementary school who threw a FIT on needle day. In Grade 6 I scared just about everyone in the class because I had to be held down by 2 people in order to get one teeny tiny needle in my arm. I HATE needles.
I DID end up getting pregnant again and I had a very hard pregnancy…not MS related trouble, but every other kind of trouble. MS goes into remission during pregnancy, however, that means that once baby is born, you run a huge risk of a huge flare-up. So, after Conner was born, and after we had spent 16 days with him in the NICU, I started a rigorous form of treatment in the hospital. I had other people take care of my toddler and newborn, while I spent the entire day in the hospital every 4 weeks for the next 4 months.
After putting off daily preventative treatment for a couple of months (I hate needles, remember?), I finally started, and I am still giving myself a needle every single day. It’s become such a part of my life, that Isaiah, my 4 year old, will watch me and encourage me with a “good job” when it’s over. Haha. He’s a hilarious kid with a huge heart.
Why am I telling you this? Because being a sick mom is NOT easy. I’m not about to tell you that I am able to just push through and get everything done every day. Are you kidding me? Lots of people think I have a really good attitude. Well, yeah, sometimes. Quite often though, I just want to sit and cry. And cry. And CRY. No, it’s not fair. Yes, it sucks. Sometimes I have just enough energy to sweep the floor, and then I’m done. Sometimes I can’t even walk through the mall. I use a cane for balance because sometimes my legs just don’t work. I get debilitating migraines quite often (and no, that’s NOT just a bad headache).
How do I do it? How do I cope with everyday life? If you’ve read my bio, you’ll know that I fly by the seat of my pants. Seriously! Sometimes if Conner is napping and Isaiah needs to be entertained, I turn on the TV and go take a nap. He knows to come and tell me when his show is over, and then we try something else. Or we watch another show. Does this make me a bad mom? I do what I can. I count every good day as a huge blessing, because sometimes they are few and far between. That’s easier said than done, I know. And trust me, there are days when I just don’t want to deal with ANYTHING.
I also have a really really great husband. Rob – you really don’t get enough credit. Friends and family have really stepped up to help out when we need it, and I can’t thank all of you enough! They bring meals! When someone brings me a meal, it’s like bringing a huge pot of love. 🙂
It’s so easy to fall into that pit of guilt and feel like you aren’t good enough. I’ve been there (let’s face it, I AM there a lot of the time!). But I have to keep telling myself that I AM good enough. My kids have the best mom – ME.
So I try not to feel guilty that my kids sometimes watch a lot of TV on the days where I can hardly function. I try not to feel bad when there are dishes in the sink and I’m not sure when the last time was that I washed the floor.
If you’re a sick mom, I want to encourage you to not feel guilty either. Accept help from friends and family, and take it one day at a time.
You can do this. You are supermom. RAWR.